The Impact of Daley Hughes
Here's an exclusive on Daley Hughes.
His greatest ambition? To be in the news.
Young Daley, aged 9, of Telegraph Lane,
was a bit of a loner, at times, a bit plain.
Observers expressed how reclusive he seemed,
blind to the devious plan that he schemed.
His mother was quoted as saying "My Dale,
won't harm the hairs on the head of a snail.
He's hopeless at sports y'see, finds it all boring,
His footballing skills will leave you all snoring."
Pressed further , about his unusual passion,
reporters enquired if he followed a fashion.
His mother, aged 40, was sharp as a button.
"I think I'd describe him as lamb dressed as mutton!"
So what pushed young Daley to do what he did?
His teacher said, "Hughes was an average kid.
His English and Maths, I would mark in dismay,
but for gazing to space, I would give a starred 'A'."
It seemed that young Daley Christopher Hughes
had reached his ambition, to be in the news.
His headline was read by the rest of the nation,
as Officer Green gave us his explanation.
"At 07.30 hours, whilst on me beat,
I witnessed a male, straight ahead, on the street.
Scaling the wall, to the printers in Wapping,
'Ello, 'ello," I said, "'He's not going shopping.
The suspect was trespassing, up to some trouble,
so I blows me whistle, and runs at the double."
There followed more detail from Officer Green,
recalling how Daley fell in the machine.
"There wasn't a crunch, a hiss or a pop.
Not even a hint that the presses would stop.
So strong the machine, that it didn't get dinted,
as page, after page, after page was printed."
Next morning the nation awoke to the news,
and saw in the paper - Daley Hughes.
His face, on the cover, was flat as a plate.
Above his left nostril was printed the date,
and inside his ear, the price, 50 pence.
"That's the price of our Dale," cried his mother, incensed.
On page 2, his front teeth were just acci-dental,
and page 3, his cheek, was coincidental.
On TV that night, there was more guts and gore
than normally shown on The News, Channel 4.
The last word he screamed, before his sad loss,
could be found in the crossword, at 15 across.
The weather-map featured some interesting signs.
A stomach was blocking the A59.
A liver in Liverpool, a chest puffed in Chester.
In Plymouth his mouth just grinned like a jester.
On the pages for sport, there was no sign at all,
of young Master Daley, only a ball.
The pages on health would soon make you thinner,
whilst digesting the remnants of Daley's dinner.
Yes Daley was headlines, Daley made history,
The secret of sales was no longer a mystery.
To increase your market and never go broke,
you just need to find someone willing to croak.
Said Enid, his mother, "Our Dale's now content.
But it's not what we wanted, the way that he went.
We sadly weren't close, when our Dale was alive,
but I know where his heart is, it's here on page 5!"
So extra! extra! here is the news,
The papers are full of Daley Hughes.
Copyright © 1980 - 2020 Peet Ellison